


mortal body; timeless souls

by strangetowns



Series: let's stop running from us [1]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Inexpert Video Game References, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 07:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18245534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangetowns/pseuds/strangetowns
Summary: “We should do this more often,” David says, after a while.Matteo makes a noncommittal sound. “What, playing games? Sitting in silence?”“This,” David says.“We do this every time.” But even as Matteo says it, he knows it isn’t true.“What else would you want to do?” David almost whispers the words.“Nothing.”This time, though, Matteo isn’t lying.“Me neither,” David says.-Or: when you've been friends for as long as David and Matteo have, some things are bound to change.





	mortal body; timeless souls

**Author's Note:**

> me: i'm taking a long break from fanfic!  
> druck: bitch u fuckin thought
> 
> This is a fill for a prompt by [Elina](http://tristealven.tumblr.com): "pls write matteo and davids first (or some other) kiss." Maybe got a tad bit away from me but that's okay! I didn't want to write a first kiss set in canon before we even got there so this happened instead. How perfectly on brand of me.
> 
> Thank you to [Lyds](http://boxesfullofthoughts.tumblr.com) as always for the beta! Inspired by this acoustic version of [Youth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eeewL0yBuU) by Troye Sivan.

In the minutes before David arrives at Matteo’s new flatshare to visit for the first time, Matteo realizes he’s nervous. Sure, they’ve been friends - best friends, even, which is sometimes strange to think about but is still true, if he takes David at face value, and if nothing else he trusts David’s word - for years now, and sure, they’ve both been through so much shit together it seems like it should be unthinkable to feel embarrassment or awkwardness around each other, let alone full-blown nerves. But he feels it anyway, a tremor of anxiety just beneath his breastbone - and for what? The fact that it’s been a while since they last hung out? That this is a new place for the both of them? Hell if he knows, honestly - all the way up until he opens the door and finds David standing there. 

And David doesn’t hesitate; he steps forward to embrace him without preamble, and Matteo’s hands come up to press lightly against the small of his back, and then suddenly it’s like he was calm inside of himself this whole time.

“Hi,” Matteo says into David’s shoulder.

David pulls away and smiles, warmly disarming in his usual way. “So this is the new place, huh?”

Throat dry, Matteo nods.

David hasn’t looked away yet. He nods back. “Cool flat.”

Matteo shrugs, stepping aside to let him in. “Wait until you get to my room, then we’ll see what you have to say.”

“Oh, believe me, I am _fully_ prepared for your brand of chaos.”

And yet when confronted with the heap of days-old clothing shoved against the closet door and the stack of boxes Matteo hasn’t bothered to open yet leaning against the wall, David doesn’t let loose the barrage of insults his earlier tone had implied was coming. To be fair, David’s never been cruel in his teasing. Still, the silence as David pauses in the doorway is disconcerting in its inscrutability, and Matteo shifts his weight from foot to foot as he tries not to read too much into the way David seems to be soaking everything in.

Has he changed much since the last time they saw each other? Matteo doesn’t know; it’s been a few months at least, though they’ve texted a fair amount in that time too. His hair’s grown a bit, maybe. Not by much. Matteo thinks he might be wearing a new hoodie, or at least one he doesn’t immediately recognize. But his expression and his relaxed stance, thoughtful and patient in a way that’s always made Matteo feel like they’ve got all the time in the world when he stands next to him. That’s an unmistakably David thing. At the thought he feels a vague pang in his chest, though for what exactly he can’t quite say.

“I like it,” David says, finally.

Matteo feels his eyebrows raise. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” David smiles again, softly this time. “I’m glad you have a place of your own now.”

With a sudden and fierce certainty that alarms him a little, Matteo realizes he doesn’t want to talk about this. His new room, why he has it, how he got here. Any of it. So he jumps onto his bed and crawls over to the pillows he’d already piled against the wall. He leans his back against them and tilts his head back to look at David. “Wanna play some Portal?”

There’s a visible beat of hesitation that crosses David’s face. Matteo recognizes it viscerally, feels the sting of it like a tiny pinprick in his heart, even as David nods and he crosses the room to join Matteo on the bed. He’s nervous, Matteo thinks, why is he nervous around _me_ , and then David lines up their legs and presses their shoulders together lightly, and Matteo’s own heartbeat blooms in his chest.

Fuck. They’ve done this a thousand times, at least, sat in this same position playing this same game so many times Matteo could probably go through all the motions - balancing the laptop on their adjacent thighs, pulling up Steam, plugging in the controllers, queuing up the game - in his sleep. So why? Why this sudden tension between them? Is it the new room? Is it just because it’s been a while?

Or have things changed more than he thought they had?

But behind that question lies a dark and convoluted path that scares the shit out of him. So he stops thinking about it.

It’s quiet, for a moment, as he loads Portal 2. Then David huffs out a hushed laugh. “You’re never going to get tired of this game, are you?”

Matteo glances at him. “Are you?”

“No. I just think it’s funny. I don’t even remember how many times we’ve beaten the co-op mode.”

“Well, it’s been - ” Matteo tries for a moment to calculate it, and finds he can’t. “It’s been a while, and we know I’ve got the memory of a fish. So maybe it’ll be like playing it for the first time ever.”

He means it as a joke - almost lets himself hope that he’ll feel that telltale shake of David’s shoulder against his, see the crinkle of his eyes as he grins helplessly - but David doesn’t laugh. He’s silent, for a long moment. Enough time for the confusion inside Matteo to turn into disappointment, and then to guilt. David’s thinking about how Matteo hasn’t made an effort to reach out in a while, he just knows it. Matteo can’t stop thinking about it, either. How his whole life went to shit and he couldn’t even bother to tell his best friend about it.

“I’m sorry,” David says.

Matteo blinks. The statement is at such odds with what he’d been thinking it takes him a moment to register it. “What for?”

“We haven’t hung out a lot these last few months,” David says quietly. “And I know it’s my fault.”

Matteo is at a loss for words. No, he should say, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault at all, if anything it’s mine; _mine_. But his head is empty and his lungs are tight, and all he can say is, “What?”

“It’s been…” David nods slowly, as if to himself. “It’s been rough at my new school.” Their eyes meet, and Matteo finds he can’t look away. “But I’ve missed you. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Matteo’s throat clenches. “Okay.”

For a moment, he thinks he should say it back - _I missed you, too; I missed you more than I could ever say_ \- but seconds pass, and the silence stretches on, and David smiles faintly, a ghost of Matteo’s favorite grin; and he knows he’s lost his chance.

“Do you…” Matteo swallows. “Do you want to talk about it?”

David rubs at his eyes. “Is it okay if we don’t?”

Matteo almost says no to that, almost insists that David will feel better if they talk about it. But he remembers there are things he doesn’t want to talk about, either, with anyone, not even with David; so he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

He passes a controller to David and starts the game. They make their robot avatars do a little high five emote, their usual good luck charm to themselves. And then they’re off.

This was a good choice for a game, Matteo decides about two minutes into the first stage, even if they’ve played it together countless times already. In some ways, that makes it even more ideal. It’s an old rhythm they can slip back into effortlessly, a familiarity that settles over them like a gentle rain. That means it’s easy for things in real life to feel normal again, too. Like time has barely passed between them at all.

The first time they played this game they took it very seriously, talking through every puzzle carefully and huddling together to devise what they thought were ingenious strategies. Now they barely even bother with the actual objectives of the levels - they know each stage so well they could solve most of the early ones in a matter of seconds - and instead they fuck around and push the boundaries of the game’s physics as far as they can. They start a competition to see who can come up with the most creative way for their avatars to die, to elicit the snarkiest and most cutting commentary from GLaDOS. Ten minutes in David is full on laughing, the best kind of laugh, the kind that shakes through his whole body with such force Matteo can feel the aftershocks of it in his own limbs. There’s no more tension buzzing in his fingertips, no more awkwardness pulling at his lungs. He feels impossibly warm, like a tiny sun has ignited inside his ribcage. He feels, for the first time since he moved into this room, like he could be at home.

“Fuck, my eyes are burning,” David gasps, pulling a hand over his face.

“Let’s take a break.” Matteo pauses the game and pushes the computer off of them. It doesn’t take long for them to settle into silence. The good kind, though, the kind they both know they don’t need to fill with unnecessary conversation. Where they can just sit there and be chill. His favorite kind of silence. There’s been a lot of favorites today. He feels very lucky.

David leans his head against Matteo’s shoulder, wordlessly. And Matteo closes his eyes.

“We should do this more often,” David says, after a while.

Matteo makes a noncommittal sound. “What, playing games? Sitting in silence?”

“This,” David says.

“We do this every time.” But even as Matteo says it, he knows it isn’t true.

“What else would you want to do?” David almost whispers the words.

“Nothing.” 

This time, though, Matteo isn’t lying.

“Me neither,” David says. 

The weight lifts off of Matteo’s shoulder. He opens his eyes, and David is looking right at him. His face is very close.

For a moment, it’s almost like time has stopped, for a bit.

“Tell me something,” Matteo hears himself say.

David blinks once, languidly. “Okay.”

Matteo swallows past the burning in his throat. He doesn’t know how to say this, doesn’t know if this is the right way to say it at all; but if there’s anyone in this world who would understand what he means, surely it’d be David.

“Am I the same?” he says.

David stares at him. It’s almost unnerving, how steady his gaze is. Almost.

“Yeah,” he says.

“And…” Matteo takes in a breath. “Are you the same?”

“Yeah.” The word feels soft against Matteo’s cheek.

“So what about us?” It comes out hoarse and quiet, almost breathless.

“What about us?” David’s lips barely move.

“Are we okay?” It almost hurts to say out loud.

“What do you think?”

David’s gaze flickers downward, just barely; but it’s enough. Something catches in Matteo’s throat, and he knows, now. He knows.

“Yeah,” Matteo says. “I think we’re okay.”

He tilts his face forward and kisses him.

There’s this tiny hitch in David’s breath when their mouths meet, a little stutter against his lips, and Matteo closes his eyes and thinks he could get drunk on that sound alone, could lose himself and float away into the stratosphere with no effort at all. And then David’s hand comes up to pull at the fabric of Matteo’s sweater, and it’s the most gentle touch, the warmth of David’s knuckles faint against his chest, but it tethers him to the ground, steadies him like an anchor. He’s here; he’s right here. He’s not going anywhere.

David isn’t, either. He’s more certain of that than he is of most things.

Matteo opens his eyes, just to revel in his own surety, and in the process their foreheads knock together and they break apart. A tiny gasp escapes him, unbidden. And now David is smiling, smiling so hard it’s like he’s splitting at the seams, and Matteo’s face hurts and he realizes he’s smiling too, the edges inside of him threatening to unravel into infinity.

“We’re okay,” Matteo says again, just because he can.

And David’s fist tightens in Matteo’s shirt.

“We are,” he says. “We are.”

Almost sounds like something holy, when he puts it like that. Matteo closes his eyes again, just for a moment, to let the words settle over him like the echo of a prayer.

Maybe things have changed between them, after all. He doesn’t think he minds it that much.

Inside him, all is quiet, and peaceful. He doesn’t think he minds that either.

**Author's Note:**

> -For people who need the context: Portal 2 is a puzzle platforming game, the main mechanism being that you can create portals from one flat surface to another to cross the terrain in interesting ways. It has a co-op mode where you play two robots testing new portal technology that allows you to be more collaborative. GLaDOS is the supercomputer overseeing the tests. She's a real sassy bitch. As for why I had them play Portal 2... honestly it's because it's one of the only co-op games I've played and I wasn't about to write Cuphead into this fic lol.
> 
> -[Portal 2 co-op emotes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIZHNwq-Wow)!
> 
> -I'm working on a Lorde-inspired ficlet series for these two, which might eventually find its way on ao3, who knows, but in the meantime if you're interested you can check out what I've posted for it [here](http://canonicallyanxious.tumblr.com/tagged/but-i-live-in-a-hologram-with-you).
> 
> -Find me on [tumblr](http://canonicallyanxious.tumblr.com) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/canonlyanxious)!
> 
> That's all I've got. Hope you guys enjoyed this tiny thing!


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